rained @Tuesday, 7 July 2015
And right now, I'm just gonna stay right here watching you as you continue your journey of life. And when you come back, which it might be or might not, I hope I am still here.
But if I don't, then all the best in your life. You know that I will always love you no matter how hard I tried to stop, which I have tried, BUT, I just couldn't. And everyone knows that either. And you know that as well.
And...
Wanna know something? I am scared. Scared of all the possibilities. Are you gonna come back and make it last? Or you'll never ever comeback? Should I give up and walk away and never look back? Or should I just hang on and wait for you to come back? Because now, I feel like we're at the end of a thread. Whether it's a temporary farewell, or it's a permanent farewell. We never know.
I'll just leave it all to Him.
But if I don't, then all the best in your life. You know that I will always love you no matter how hard I tried to stop, which I have tried, BUT, I just couldn't. And everyone knows that either. And you know that as well.
And...
Wanna know something? I am scared. Scared of all the possibilities. Are you gonna come back and make it last? Or you'll never ever comeback? Should I give up and walk away and never look back? Or should I just hang on and wait for you to come back? Because now, I feel like we're at the end of a thread. Whether it's a temporary farewell, or it's a permanent farewell. We never know.
I'll just leave it all to Him.
rained @Wednesday, 6 May 2015
Maybe one day you'll stop hurting me. And maybe one day, you'll just see me.
And maybe one day, we'll be beyond happy. And maybe one day, you're just gonna love me and show me off to the world, endlessly, and show how much you love me.
Maybe.
So...
Hi! It's been a while ey :) Hi to me as well!
Here I am, in this almighty SK Tanjung Batu Keramat for my first practicum.
One word; HECTIC.
Haha jk.
Well yeah it is. Obviously.
But seriously, I just love the students. The school's environment. The teachers. But not the work-loads-part. It was totally hectic. We're in school on Sunday too. Can you believe that? Til' all my friends were like "kamu betul-betul keramat sudah" well, indeed we are. Haha.
I scold. I yelled. I hit. But still, the students loves me. They still hugs me whenever I enter the class. Still take my hand and "salam" it whenever the class ends or bumped into me. OMG. Their cuteness-overload lagi. Astaga. Y U NO AIR.
Going to miss them for sure.
Hi! It's been a while ey :) Hi to me as well!
Here I am, in this almighty SK Tanjung Batu Keramat for my first practicum.
One word; HECTIC.
Haha jk.
Well yeah it is. Obviously.
But seriously, I just love the students. The school's environment. The teachers. But not the work-loads-part. It was totally hectic. We're in school on Sunday too. Can you believe that? Til' all my friends were like "kamu betul-betul keramat sudah" well, indeed we are. Haha.
I scold. I yelled. I hit. But still, the students loves me. They still hugs me whenever I enter the class. Still take my hand and "salam" it whenever the class ends or bumped into me. OMG. Their cuteness-overload lagi. Astaga. Y U NO AIR.
Going to miss them for sure.
Have you ever felt like your world is crushing? Suffocated by your own breath? The pain tightens your chest? Yeah? Ditto.
I love. I hurt. I guess that's the irony of love ey? When we love a little too much, it hurts. When we love a little less, it hurts too. Fair enough?
One thing in mind, "I wanna be happy too". That's what I felt. I wanna love. And I guess I love a little too much. And it's hurting me too. It's crushing me too. Really, I wanna be happy too. Can't I?
Is it too much to ask for? Or... is it beyond possible? Or... it'll come late? Or... NEVER?
Boy...
I love you that much, y'know. And I fall hard. I hope you'll always be the person who catches me. Not just to support me, BUT be in the battle with me, by my side. Always. Me, only me, be the girl in your life. Your world. Your everything. And you're hurt whenever you hurt me nor see my tears fall. It's like you're losing the half part of yourself. Please just let me be the only one. Can it be?
I love. I hurt. I guess that's the irony of love ey? When we love a little too much, it hurts. When we love a little less, it hurts too. Fair enough?
One thing in mind, "I wanna be happy too". That's what I felt. I wanna love. And I guess I love a little too much. And it's hurting me too. It's crushing me too. Really, I wanna be happy too. Can't I?
Is it too much to ask for? Or... is it beyond possible? Or... it'll come late? Or... NEVER?
Boy...
I love you that much, y'know. And I fall hard. I hope you'll always be the person who catches me. Not just to support me, BUT be in the battle with me, by my side. Always. Me, only me, be the girl in your life. Your world. Your everything. And you're hurt whenever you hurt me nor see my tears fall. It's like you're losing the half part of yourself. Please just let me be the only one. Can it be?
rained @Saturday, 15 November 2014
Honestly, there are times I just wanna screamed "I hate you" right to your face because of the endless pain you put me through. There are times I just wanna give up because I can't do this anymore. It should be the both of us againts the world. Not me, myself. There are times I just wanna run away or die because you never appreciate me. Maybe by that, you will learn what you have lost. Maybe by that, you will open your eyes and start to appreciate and stop hurting me. I'm already in a numb-broken state, but still, you never try to put those things away from me. You never try on healing me. Instead, you keep on wounding it.
Can't you see all the things I have done and sacrificed for you? Can't you see that I love you? Can't you see that you're my priority? Just why? Am I not good enough? Am I not perfect enough? Am I not this kind of gf of the year type or the okay-with-it girlfriend? That is why you're doing this to me? That is why you're punishing me like this? By shattering me to pieces? Or it is just to entertain you? To make it fun for you. You never get it, do you?
Most of the time, yes, I'm exhausted already bey. Exhausted of getting hurt. Every. Single. Time. I wanna be happy too. I really am. I still wanna live and make my parents dreams come true and even making them proud. And I want you to be there with me as well. Not by making my heart's condition even worse. I still wanna travel the world and do stuffs that I love the most. Please, just STOP. Just freaking STOP. Words that I always said to you, aye? But still, it will never stop right? It's okay. It's really okay. God is always there. Watching.
People will never understand. Nobody will. And what hurt the most, even the person you love will never understand you. Or even TRY to understand. They will get mad when you don't share or tell them what's wrong BUT when you did, they will never understand or make things right. Useless. Isn't it? So why bother asking when you don't wanna make a slight changes? Why wanna give a high hope on someone when you'll just gonna crush it anyway? People will never know what or how pain could do on someone. Especially to those who keep it to themselves. She's your girl, so you should understand and know her well enough than anyone else's does. She's your girl, so man up and don't be a coward to do some changes. She's your girl, appreciate her before someone else does. We're getting old, not getting young year by year. But I guess it is true when they said maturity doesn't come with age but it comes with experiences. So I guess I've been in a lot of experience in life and even watches it. So I learnt from it. But some just never learn. Well, there are times we could be playful but there are also times where we should be serious. Take note on that. Not everyone could follow your way, but you yourself gotta learn on following others' way too. In a relationship ofcourse, it should be give and take. Don't be that douchebag whom keep on taking. Because dear, karma is always there. There will be no use of crying over a spilled milk. Or "nasi sudah jadi bubur". Open your eyes, and learn. Life is a good teacher yknow. It teaches you all the great things that will never be taught in schools or textbooks.
rained @Saturday, 1 November 2014
Hello November perhaps?
And it did not start off good or like how I wish for it to start.
That's okay. I guess I'm used to it though. Tears. Heart ache.
I can survive it, I guess. Haha. Yakin :)
A x
rained @Thursday, 11 September 2014
Everybody make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. So do I. I did mistakes in my past too. Mistakes that I wish I could amend and undone it. But nah it's impossible. The only thing I wanna do is to say the word that I rarely say which is "I'm sorry". I know I won't gonna get a quick apology accepted but at least I apologize.
I know I've given her so many chances to hurt me and even break me, but I've hurt her even more. She's a great person y'know. When she loves, she loves them to death. She's the kind of person who will hurt you all over again but she won't stop blowing up your phone or any of your social network with apologies and regrets. She's the type of person who will make you the only girl in the world. Her world. Nothing else matters. She's the type of girl who would do anything for you. Gifts. Surprises. Love. Care. Jump off the cliff. You name it.
I hope that someone who's gonna be my next, gonna love her like they really mean it. And you will see all the great things I once sees in her. That I fall hard for. She might be an annoying bitch or a pain in the ass sometimes, but she's worth fighting for. Because trust me, she won't give up on you. Not unless you gone off with a guy. And she will give up on you. Permanently. Because I did. And I did gave up on her. And it's the end of our chapter. For good.
And when she drives, please do open both of your eyes and be alert. Because she could be clumsy and won't see a car coming from any side that could give you a slight heart attack. And please don't give her any spicy food or she will end up with an upset stomach that she will whine the whole day. Like how she will whine about her gaddam migraine too. Oh and one more thing, don't ever let her consume too much of cheese. Or else you will know why.
Well, I loved her so much but I guess it wasn't enough though. And I never regret of loving her that much because she gave me the chance to be and act my real self in and out like nobody had ever did that before. She managed to make me believe that love is real. That love do exist. She managed to bring down the wall I created to protect myself. And she even made me feel love, care, secure, perfect, happy, sad, butterflies and all those feelings.
And I never feel regret about letting her go too because I am happy right now. Which I know people hate me for that but yeah whatever :) Just to whoever who is with her right now, please, do take good care of her, don't give up on her and be with her as long as possible. Because she is the one. I wish I could write more about all the good things in her but if you love her, you will see it with your own eyes. And you will know why.
...And I know my English is sucks right now. But duhhh. And yeah I need to write more. Haha.
A x
I know I've given her so many chances to hurt me and even break me, but I've hurt her even more. She's a great person y'know. When she loves, she loves them to death. She's the kind of person who will hurt you all over again but she won't stop blowing up your phone or any of your social network with apologies and regrets. She's the type of person who will make you the only girl in the world. Her world. Nothing else matters. She's the type of girl who would do anything for you. Gifts. Surprises. Love. Care. Jump off the cliff. You name it.
I hope that someone who's gonna be my next, gonna love her like they really mean it. And you will see all the great things I once sees in her. That I fall hard for. She might be an annoying bitch or a pain in the ass sometimes, but she's worth fighting for. Because trust me, she won't give up on you. Not unless you gone off with a guy. And she will give up on you. Permanently. Because I did. And I did gave up on her. And it's the end of our chapter. For good.
And when she drives, please do open both of your eyes and be alert. Because she could be clumsy and won't see a car coming from any side that could give you a slight heart attack. And please don't give her any spicy food or she will end up with an upset stomach that she will whine the whole day. Like how she will whine about her gaddam migraine too. Oh and one more thing, don't ever let her consume too much of cheese. Or else you will know why.
Well, I loved her so much but I guess it wasn't enough though. And I never regret of loving her that much because she gave me the chance to be and act my real self in and out like nobody had ever did that before. She managed to make me believe that love is real. That love do exist. She managed to bring down the wall I created to protect myself. And she even made me feel love, care, secure, perfect, happy, sad, butterflies and all those feelings.
And I never feel regret about letting her go too because I am happy right now. Which I know people hate me for that but yeah whatever :) Just to whoever who is with her right now, please, do take good care of her, don't give up on her and be with her as long as possible. Because she is the one. I wish I could write more about all the good things in her but if you love her, you will see it with your own eyes. And you will know why.
...And I know my English is sucks right now. But duhhh. And yeah I need to write more. Haha.
A x
rained @Wednesday, 10 September 2014
GO? NO GO? GO? NO GO? So should I be going or not? Dilemma. So fucking dilemma. Well, thanks daddy for all the bookings and stuffs. BUT maybe I'll not be going. And bout my SBE, Unit Practicum said it can't be change anymore as they have already prepared all the letters and what-so-ever. So meaning to say I'll be doom because of transportation. Dead dead dead. SOS guyssss!
rained @Sunday, 7 September 2014
TBH, I miss you, ZI. A lot. And I know I screwed things this time :')
rained @Friday, 22 August 2014
MY BABY GIRL
First of all , baby sorry for "curi-curi" using ur blog pffft . So yeah , that's me & baby. I love her so much . . . yeah sometimes im an asshole but she still love me for who i am :)
WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU <3
- I love how adorable u can be every time we go on a date or even just talking w u otp .
- I love the way u talk and smile at the same time .
- I love everytime im driving u give me a surprise kiss on the cheek.
- I love if did something wrong infront of me exp u ruined my new white buttons up shirt, broke my watch, or forget the things i ask u to do , u just kept on saying sorry w "puppy face w round eyes" asking me to forgive u.
- I love watching u eat , cz u really surprise badan kurus but erhhh makan? no comment.
- I love watching u putting on ur compact powder thingy , or perfume thingy or that night thingy things u do infront of the mirror.
- I love the way u smell .
- I love the way u act around me is shooooo not 21 years old.
- I love everytime we both hungry on r way to a restaurant u turn into a hulk w ur moodswing eventhough we fight a lot.
- I love hearing u complaining or nagging everytime i drive.
i can go on till tomorrow telling the things that i like about. i wont post it here , cz the dicks or asshole will know all the special things about u. im sorry for hurting u babe. im the luckiest person to have a girl like , u never let me down , i love you every each day . stay w me forever can u? i love you .
ME , YOU VS THE WORLD .
sincerely ; azen <3
rained @Friday, 18 July 2014
1 word. Homesick. I hate this feeling. When you just wanna be at ease in your own home sweet home. The feeling of stress-free. Just lay there, lazily, heaven. The urge feeling of just wanna hug your parents tight, especially, the queen of heart. The amazing drooling home-cooked food that just melt on your taste-bud. Damn, I miss it. The feeling of "I'm the boss. Hell yeah". All these, I'm gonna feel at the end of the year. Eid, Sem's break, SBE, I can't go home. Seeing everyone able to get back to their families? Honestly, it hurts too much. Only God knows. Sometimes, I wanna blame my dad, God, why so far away? Isn't it enough being away for 6 hours drive from home? But now? It's ocean apart. But, I know I gotta grow up and be independent and strong. Although, it's the only thing that I can do right now. And I know I can and I must always have faith :')
rained @Wednesday, 18 June 2014
TAKEN BY ZENIEBIE IMBI
Satisfy much, luhve?
Sundal :P
Well, this holiday was the fucking awesome. I hate to admit but yeah I shopped a lot this holiday. Like freaking a lot. Haha. And I spent most of my time with my mom which I love it so much. Including my dad too. Well, at the same time mending back the bond I suppose.
My mom is very is the cutie. I have Pandora, she also wants. I bought CR bag, she also bought it. And the list goes on. Haha. Mommy, mommy. I just love you tons.
Well, Hi U'olls. I had to delete all of my previous post because of that dayum boyf of mine. So here is the new story, new beginning, new chapter of my life without my screwed up past. Only now and my future especially with my baby :3
So yeah holiday is coming to an end. I hate this part. I'm gonna miss this home and my parents and everything. I'm gonna meet them in 6 months again. Sad. I know.Just hoping and non-stop praying for the best. *sigh*
Well, at the same time I miss my baby like hell. Hopefully, this upcoming Raya I will be spending time with her and stay at her house or anywhere but near her. Because I won't be coming home, here, at KL. Shucks. But hopefully it will be.
Swing my hips and giggle.
